Friday, November 14, 2008


MASON CAMPAIGN PRESS RELEASE - In a landslide victory, Mason is now the House's Next Top Cat Elect. All major media outlets - including the DePaw Times, Paw Paw Community College Yowler and Outside Afectionado - have called more than half of the house's rooms for Mason in what will prove to be a complete blowout.

Mason and Kitty Condo will speak later tonight.

As confirmed by the DePaw Times, Mason has won his core constituencies: the bedroom, bathroom and living room and is narrowly holding a lead on the balcony - a room that had been recently trending towards him with the arrival of Abby as a contender for Next Top Cat.

"This is a glorious night for the household!" Mason said earlier this evening, "That Josie is going down and soon I will make all the decisions about when to annoy the parents for things!"

Current Results:

Bedroom (1)
Bathroom (1)
Living Room (1)
Balcony (1)

Kitchen (1)


Too Close to Call:
Mommy & Daddy (2)

Mason's transition team has quickly set to work with his Top Cat priorities, including installing sleeping zones on the bed AND the futon and solving the toy ball crisis.

"We will make sure that any and all remaining toys will be saved from further lose through a bail out package meant to restore their security," Kitty Condo said.

Satan Josie and her incestuous insect of a running mate have not yet conceded (the nerve), waiting for the Mommy & Daddy vote (though obviously even their votes would not make the election square).

"Josie's stubborn," Mason said earlier in the campaign to the toys in the bedroom, "She wouldn't admit that she has lost until she's sleeping outside and has to rely on my bailout package to survive."

Mason's top advisers speculate that the arrival and candidacy of Abby for Top Cat ultimately stole valuable votes from Josie, who needed the balcony to maintain a hope of winning.

Mason will make his full transition by Sunday. Let us all bask in is glory.

Housewide Polls Close at 11 p.m. this Evening

MASON CAMPAIGN PRESS RELEASE - Polling stations close at 11 p.m. with the House's Next Top Cat to be announced by 11:30 CST. The Mason Campaign will hold a watch party on the futon before the results are announced.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Race for Top Cat

MASON CAMPAIGN PRESS RELEASE - Today, the campaign for Top Cat of the household took a new turn when Mason temporarily suspended his campaign to address the growing concerns of the household over the toy ball crisis.

"Rest assured, members of the household, my plan will call for the household to buy out all of the bad deals that small operations have made in buying toy balls until they lost all value. Our market will stabilize," Mason said in an address to the toys in the living room - a key constituency in Mason's bid for Top Cat.

"Plus, Josie's a bitch," he added.

Josie, a newcomer to the household, is entirely unqualified to run for the position of Top Cat. As of today, the Josie campaign has released no plan to deal with the toy ball crisis.

In further development, while Mason's Vice Top Cat Candidate, Kitty Condo, continues to campaign in the cat room, Josie's even further unqualified running mate, the Giant Cockroach, is campaigning in his native district - the balcony.

"The Giant Cockroach isn't a native citizen," Kitty Condo said in a speech today, "What if Josie should die? Then a COCKROACH from the BALCONY will bring his liberal, outsider ideas to this fair household."

The last numbers from Paw Paw University show that while Josie maintains commanding leads amongst toys in the kitchen and critters on the balcony, Mason continues to poll well in the bedroom, living room and cats' room.

The key parental swing constituency has not been polled recently.

"I am confident that I will emerge as the Next Top Cat in this Household, and I will strut my stuff all over this household when Josie is left in the dust!" Mason declared in the bedroom earlier this month.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I likes the water

Now, I know what you're thinking. Mason, but cats hate water, everyone knows that. 
You'd be wrong. I think water is the best thing since kitty cat cat food. Why, you ask? Hello! It keeps you clean, AND you get to get your humans wet as possible because they're too busy laughing about a cat in water. 

I have some important business to attend to today, seeing mommy and daddy just refilled the bird feeder and I need to defend my territory. So, in the mean time, I thought I'd let you enjoy my time in the bath tub. Of course, I look a little shaggy but boy, oh boy, I loved that tub.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

My Opinion's on Food (and thus the only correct ones)

People often ask me, "Maaaaaason, how do you keep your figure so trim?" I just giggle every so slightly and respond with some compliment I obviously just made up about how much I love some awful thing about them. Truth is, I have a secret diet plan! But don't tell anybody who might know me...

My secret is God's gift the to the world - Kitty Kat Cat Food or Dinnertime! Both are just the manna of cats - a crispy, delicious mixture of fish and chicken. It's a symphony of flavors, and I will step on my own mother just to get it. Why, I even get violent sometimes - in a sort of Judy Garland outburst way. Oh Judy, I miss you!

So, next time you are at Target (which I have never been - I heard only commoners shop there), do give the nearest attendant a little toot-a-loo and get some for yourself. I owe it to those lovely products that I - the fine specimen of catness that I am - can fit into cloths meant for a small dog.

God bless you dearings - unless you call me fat. Then I'll claw your eyes out, and you can burn in hell.

Welcome to My Blog!


Ok, that was my attempt at typing. I am so pissed that it failed so miserably, I must now use an interpreter that can not only understand my incessant needs but also translate my genius into a language understandable by all non-cats.

So, to begin - My name's Mason. Meow Meow Meow. Do this! Do That! Meow Meow Meow. Frankly, I don't care what your name is unless you are petting me, feeding me or potentially bathing me.

I am gay and enjoy meditating. I have a neverending battle with my sister - for food, attention, a chance to yowl at the birds on the porch, whatever. Satania came last and won't recognize her place. Though, because I am actively seeking to become Buddhist, I am trying to be less violent with her than she is with me.

I am actively pursuing a career in modeling - I am easily the most beautiful cat you ever saw. Mommy, Daddy and their friends always comment on my sleek, unique stripes and well kept mittens and boots. Don't touch either; I get very upset. And no, you are not prettier than me. I will claw you if you say otherwise.

I had a secretary, and I was so angry one day that I threw her around and all the stuffing came out. Mommy asked me why I did it, and I will tell you that while I admire Glenn Close and just loved her in Fatal Attraction, not even she could calm me down when I saw what a horrendous job Mousey Moo did with my data entry. I mean, hello! So, that sorry mose got canned and ripped apart.

I hired Hubert to do my data entry next. He even traveled with me, Mommy, Daddy and my evil sister, Josie, to Chicago. But he's on vacation - Mommy said that he was living in Joplin, MO forever. I wish he'd come back - he knew how to do my data entry correctly.

So, let me say that I am actively looking for a new secretary - but you will be constantly compared to Hubert and belittled when one of my boots gets a little dirty at the gay gentleman's club. Benefits include basking in my greatness and catering to my every whim.

In short, I am better than you. Oh sure, I may sit on your lap and purr, but secretly, I just want something. One time my sister got a sun dress that I really wanted to wear, so I purred and put up with the ridiculous king suit I had to wear. Then I finally got it on me and it was amazing. That's something you should know - I always get what I want. Otherwise, you'll find yourself woken up at 3 a.m. to my yowling. Diva doesn't even cover it.