I likes the water

Now, I know what you're thinking. Mason, but cats hate water, everyone knows that. 

You'd be wrong. I think water is the best thing since kitty cat cat food. Why, you ask? Hello! It keeps you clean, AND you get to get your humans wet as possible because they're too busy laughing about a cat in water. 

I have some important business to attend to today, seeing mommy and daddy just refilled the bird feeder and I need to defend my territory. So, in the mean time, I thought I'd let you enjoy my time in the bath tub. Of course, I look a little shaggy but boy, oh boy, I loved that tub.

My Opinion's on Food (and thus the only correct ones)

People often ask me, "Maaaaaason, how do you keep your figure so trim?" I just giggle every so slightly and respond with some compliment I obviously just made up about how much I love some awful thing about them. Truth is, I have a secret diet plan! But don't tell anybody who might know me...

My secret is God's gift the to the world - Kitty Kat Cat Food or Dinnertime! Both are just the manna of cats - a crispy, delicious mixture of fish and chicken. It's a symphony of flavors, and I will step on my own mother just to get it. Why, I even get violent sometimes - in a sort of Judy Garland outburst way. Oh Judy, I miss you!

So, next time you are at Target (which I have never been - I heard only commoners shop there), do give the nearest attendant a little toot-a-loo and get some for yourself. I owe it to those lovely products that I - the fine specimen of catness that I am - can fit into cloths meant for a small dog.

God bless you dearings - unless you call me fat. Then I'll claw your eyes out, and you can burn in hell.

Welcome to My Blog!

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Ok, that was my attempt at typing. I am so pissed that it failed so miserably, I must now use an interpreter that can not only understand my incessant needs but also translate my genius into a language understandable by all non-cats.

So, to begin - My name's Mason. Meow Meow Meow. Do this! Do That! Meow Meow Meow. Frankly, I don't care what your name is unless you are petting me, feeding me or potentially bathing me.

I am gay and enjoy meditating. I have a neverending battle with my sister - for food, attention, a chance to yowl at the birds on the porch, whatever. Satania came last and won't recognize her place. Though, because I am actively seeking to become Buddhist, I am trying to be less violent with her than she is with me.

I am actively pursuing a career in modeling - I am easily the most beautiful cat you ever saw. Mommy, Daddy and their friends always comment on my sleek, unique stripes and well kept mittens and boots. Don't touch either; I get very upset. And no, you are not prettier than me. I will claw you if you say otherwise.

I had a secretary, and I was so angry one day that I threw her around and all the stuffing came out. Mommy asked me why I did it, and I will tell you that while I admire Glenn Close and just loved her in Fatal Attraction, not even she could calm me down when I saw what a horrendous job Mousey Moo did with my data entry. I mean, hello! So, that sorry mose got canned and ripped apart.

I hired Hubert to do my data entry next. He even traveled with me, Mommy, Daddy and my evil sister, Josie, to Chicago. But he's on vacation - Mommy said that he was living in Joplin, MO forever. I wish he'd come back - he knew how to do my data entry correctly.

So, let me say that I am actively looking for a new secretary - but you will be constantly compared to Hubert and belittled when one of my boots gets a little dirty at the gay gentleman's club. Benefits include basking in my greatness and catering to my every whim.

In short, I am better than you. Oh sure, I may sit on your lap and purr, but secretly, I just want something. One time my sister got a sun dress that I really wanted to wear, so I purred and put up with the ridiculous king suit I had to wear. Then I finally got it on me and it was amazing. That's something you should know - I always get what I want. Otherwise, you'll find yourself woken up at 3 a.m. to my yowling. Diva doesn't even cover it.