Welcome to My Blog!

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Ok, that was my attempt at typing. I am so pissed that it failed so miserably, I must now use an interpreter that can not only understand my incessant needs but also translate my genius into a language understandable by all non-cats.

So, to begin - My name's Mason. Meow Meow Meow. Do this! Do That! Meow Meow Meow. Frankly, I don't care what your name is unless you are petting me, feeding me or potentially bathing me.

I am gay and enjoy meditating. I have a neverending battle with my sister - for food, attention, a chance to yowl at the birds on the porch, whatever. Satania came last and won't recognize her place. Though, because I am actively seeking to become Buddhist, I am trying to be less violent with her than she is with me.

I am actively pursuing a career in modeling - I am easily the most beautiful cat you ever saw. Mommy, Daddy and their friends always comment on my sleek, unique stripes and well kept mittens and boots. Don't touch either; I get very upset. And no, you are not prettier than me. I will claw you if you say otherwise.

I had a secretary, and I was so angry one day that I threw her around and all the stuffing came out. Mommy asked me why I did it, and I will tell you that while I admire Glenn Close and just loved her in Fatal Attraction, not even she could calm me down when I saw what a horrendous job Mousey Moo did with my data entry. I mean, hello! So, that sorry mose got canned and ripped apart.

I hired Hubert to do my data entry next. He even traveled with me, Mommy, Daddy and my evil sister, Josie, to Chicago. But he's on vacation - Mommy said that he was living in Joplin, MO forever. I wish he'd come back - he knew how to do my data entry correctly.

So, let me say that I am actively looking for a new secretary - but you will be constantly compared to Hubert and belittled when one of my boots gets a little dirty at the gay gentleman's club. Benefits include basking in my greatness and catering to my every whim.

In short, I am better than you. Oh sure, I may sit on your lap and purr, but secretly, I just want something. One time my sister got a sun dress that I really wanted to wear, so I purred and put up with the ridiculous king suit I had to wear. Then I finally got it on me and it was amazing. That's something you should know - I always get what I want. Otherwise, you'll find yourself woken up at 3 a.m. to my yowling. Diva doesn't even cover it.